Is knowledge power? Or is ignorance bliss?

Would you rather not know? Would you rather bury your head in the sand and live in a state of ignorance? Is ignorance really bliss? If there were a secret, something life altering, huge...and knowing would cause you and many others pain, would you still want to know? Is knowledge power? When you have the knowledge, is it your job to tell others, to warn, inform? Those who are or could be directly affected by this "secret"? Do you protect those who can't protect themselves at all costs? Is it worth being viewed as the 'villain'? To have your motives questioned? Your character drug through the mud? This is something I have struggled with for many months now. A while back, some very important, sad, heartbreaking information literally fell into my lap. What should I have done? Should I have kept it a secret like so many others in the past had? Should I have thought about myself and not others? Should I have blown the whistle immediately? Should I have given the person the "benefit of the doubt?" And believed they had changed, were no longer capable of the unthinkable? Should I have been a coward and brushed it under the rug because I was afraid of the consequences? Afraid of the backlash that would surely happen? Should I have gone against my gut to make others happy? Others, that in my lowest moments, greatest times of need, turned their backs on me and lied, spread falsities and tried to hurt me and my little humans? 

These, along with hundreds of other questions are what has been running through my mind nonstop, keeping me awake replaying scenarios in my head like a broken record for the past several months. I tried to go against my core, my DNA and remain quiet. Tried, begged at points even, for the others with the same knowledge to step forward and pull the alarm. Others who would have not been met with hostility. Others who would have been viewed as coming from a pure place. But like so many times before, those others, failed to do so. The time came, the alarm had to be pulled. I was already the evil one in their eyes, so what does it matter to add one more accusation to my record. 

So I did it, I rang the alarm. And like history has a habit of doing, it repeated itself. I am once again the hated one. Once again the evil one who only sets out to cause pain and drama. Is this accurate? Hell no! Do I wish someone had the balls to step up a LONG time ago and put forth the information? Absolutely. Where was that village that was supposed to protect the young? Where were those people who are supposed to go to the ends of the earth to keep the innocent safe? Where in the hell has the moral compass gone in so many people who consider themselves to be "God fearing" and "Satan hating"? Why does time and time again the ball get dropped? Why don't people have courage to do what is right and take the selfishness out of the equation. Why can't we not put ourselves, our selfish desires, needs, last for a moment and think about the bigger picture? 

Do I regret blowing the whistle? NO! Am I sad at the backlash that has occurred and will continue to? Sure. Am I surprised? Honestly no. I have learned over the past several months to deal with disappointment really well. I am a Momma Bear. Not just to my cubs, but to other cubs who deserve to be protected. If no one else is willing to step forward to distribute truth and knowledge about a certain situation, being hated is a small price to pay to ensure their safety. 

To those who ignore, bury your heads and point fingers at those of us who do not, look in the mirror and for a brief second try to not be selfish and think about the impact your lack of actions may have on others. To those of you who attack and lash out against the whistle blowers, shame on you. You should take a moment to look in that very same mirror and maybe be grateful there are people out there who love your cubs enough to take the bullet.

And finally, to those of you brave enough to open your mouth and face the firing squad bravo. The loneliness and sadness you will experience while heartbreaking, ultimately helps you grow a thicker, sturdier skin. I respect myself because I know the root of my actions has come from a pure, well thought out place. I do not regret having the guts to say it out loud. And really, the circle of those supporters around you, while may have dwindled in size, those last remaining are the ones you can truly call "friends." The others that drift away, while at one point served a purpose, now serve as a reminder of not allowing yourself to be too vulnerable, to ignore the right thing to do and to not go against your innate morality and do what is right. I know my intentions. This circle of true friends, family, loves, knows my intentions. And in the end of the day, when I rest my head on my pillow, that is all it takes to allow my restful slumber. 

Thank you to those who have stood by me and continue to do so. I love you. And those in Utah, I will see you soon! :-)