OK...so at it gets closer, I get more anxious, more fearful. What am I thinking?? I cannot do this. For Pete's sake, I am many things; loud, spirited, chatty, motivated, some would say obnoxious, funny...but the one thing I am NOT? A RUNNER! Why in the world did I think I was capable of RUNNING 5Ks this spring? Why did I think this was a good idea? Why is my first race only 1 week away??
I have this image of me withered up on the side of the road panting and unable to even mumble the word 'water.' Yea, I know for most people jogging 3.1 miles is nothing. Seems completely doable and normal for many of m friends. Heck a lot of my friends run half and full marathons (never!!) But for me dear friends, it might as well be climbing Mt. Everest! The summer of 2011 when I started researching the surgery, my program asked me to write an essay, an explanation of sorts, about why I thought I was a good candidate for this surgery. What were my expectations were for the long term outcome? I recall writing many things that I never had allowed myself to dream of doing. Para-sailing, snorkeling, travelling to exotic destinations, shopping in normal stores...notice what I did not say?? RUNNING! Oh geez. Why did I sign up for these? Better yet, why did I pay MONEY to torture myself?? Can I do this? Can I actually run it and finish in a 'decent' time? Can I finish it at all??? Why did I think this was a good idea?
What was the most exciting aspect of doing this? I'll tell you, and I warn you, it is totally selfish! I want to simply be able to say, "I did it." A year ago, walking up stairs was sweat inducing. I don't think I would have been able to run 50 feet, even if Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson was at the finish line waiting to give me a massage and a diamond. Now, I want my little race number that gets attached to my shirt so I can put it on my "dream board". I want the damn t-shirt that I can wear and secretly feel a little proud. I want a picture at the start line where the trepidation and fear is written across my face...then I want the picture at the finish line, drenched in sweat, tired, but with a smile as wide as my behind! Again, can I do this? Will I embarrass myself? Ohhh, Heather, what have you gotten yourself in to? Did you give yourself more credit than you deserve, to think you are actually ready to do this?? Ooh, 1 week and there will be answers to these questions. Until then, the fear of the unknown will steal many hours of sleep away from this old girl.
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